Violent Mood Swings...

There are nights when the darkness isn't just an absence of the sun for me. For every good moment in a single day, I have a corresponding shadow.

There are some people that would think that my anger tonight boils up from some petty selfishness. I think it's something more.

I work 18 hours a day, and I don't exaggerate when I say that I miss my wife for all of them. Half of that time is here on the overnight shift. At least 2/3 of the time that I'm here, the two people that I share this shift with sleep. This is not an exaggeration. I brought this to management's attention in my first month working here. I was reprimanded for my trouble.

Now, I have to tolerate the uvulal cacaphony in stereo as both of my "peers" snore their night away. Knowing full well that if I made a similar lapse, it would be caught and reported...knowing that they are getting paid just the same...knowing that the excuses for supervisors here will never say a thing. Wishing for all the world that I could spend this time at home instead, and coming very close to sacrilege. So very close to praying for their deaths...

I've stated it before, and I'll reiterate it here for posterity's sake. My wife draws me to the better things in this world by her very nature. I make no mistake in understanding her role in my sanity and temperament. May God create in me a more loving man each day, and barring that, may he allow me to die before her.

Not that I would want to ever abandon her in any way, but so that I would never give in to the baser desires of what is essentially a heart of rage in her absence from me.

INSERT EXERPT FROM FLAWED FILM WITH SOME GREAT MOMENTS HERE:

Even now I can feel it, buried somewhere deep inside.
Watching me...waiting.

But you know what scares me the most?
When I can't fight it anymore, when it takes over, when I totally lose control...

I like it!