You've Got A Friend

Have you ever had a really good friend that forced you to tell them some things that you thought may damage your relationship?

I was recently compelled to let a longstanding best friend of mine know how I felt about his dealings with his fiance. This wasn't in any preachy or teachy way, where I was trying to tell him how to love a girl, or anything like that. It's a situation where I care about her as a person, and he's done some very wrong things to her.

I know who he is better than he does himself, and I know enough about her to see how things are unfolding.

I know that I probably sound like some sort of busybody, but I really felt the need to let him know that he's being unkind to her. I'm not going to go into details, but the gist of the situation is a man who doesn't know what he wants betraying the trust of a relationship on several separate dalliances, and a woman who's too in love with an idea to move on from a guy who is happy to keep stringing her along.

I know that this may not be the right forum for this, and I don't really know why I'm writing this. It was easy for me to try to offer some advice, even though I knew that it might not be received well. Now that it's done, and I've told him how I feel, I know there's a very real chance that I'll lose that friendship.

I swear I'm not looking for any sort of sympathy here. I have a very highly developed sense of decency when it comes to romance, and I just couldn't be his "boy" or "homey" on this one. I couldn't play the complacent friend that could hear the sordid details of his escapades, and just chuckle along with it.

Aside from his dealings with females, he's always been a genuine person. He is a talented person using about a tenth of his potential. I can say that without rancor, because I know that I'm not nearly all that I can be most of the time either.

The closest thing that I can compare my aims to in all of this is a biblical term. In the New Testament, there are a lot of mentions of edification. The way it's couched has always sounded to me like what a true friend would do for another. First of all love, and always be willing to help each other be a better person. I don't want to go with a cliche, and say "tough love", but something akin to that is needed at times. A friendship where you can tell someone when you think they're off the path(and I'm not just talking about Christianity here, but life in general), and offer your experiences and advice to make them strive to be more. I would hope that if I was making a mistake, I'd have a good enough friend that they would tell me. Someone who wouldn't let pride or fear get in the way of helping me avoid a pitfall.

I suppose I'm writing here because I need the outlet to vent. I'm still hopeful that what I said to him will be received in the way it was intended, and we can continue to build each other up.

I just don't think it's a good sign when his email reply contains the formality of his complete name in the closing. Maybe it's just the initial shock of hearing it, and he'll come around.

I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm not a good friend. Maybe I need someone to step in and tell me what I've done wrong, because I seem to lose all my friends. I know that sounds like the coup de grace on a pity party, but I'm really just trying to sort this all out objectively.

I don't make a habit of interjecting my opinions into the lives of other people. There are even some that actually seek my insights out(God help them for that). I'm old enough to know that a good friendship is an invaluable thing that can stand the test of time and distance as long as it's foundation is sure.

I want more friendships, and not fewer. I hope I can salvage this one, and cultivate some new ones too. Although I may have a middling dose of the graces, I am a social beast. I look forward to putting down the gauntlet of my current schedule, and enjoying entertaining more, and being around people more than an office...